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The Secret to Balance

By Dr. Ivan Misner

Do you have balance in your life? Personal and professional balance in our lives seems to be the ever-elusive dream. Trying to balance home, work, health, spiritual discipline, and free time seems almost impossible. Business people have told me this for years.

Well, I am pleased to tell you that I believe I've found the answer to creating balance in your life.   Are you ready? Write this down, here it is: Forget about balance, because you'll never have it!

I can hear you now: "What? No balance? That can't be! It's just not right!" But wait, there is good news. Although I don't think balance is possible, I do believe you can create harmony in your life. This differentiation is more than just semantics. It is an approach that can free you up to see the world in a different way.

“Balance" assumes that we spend an equal amount of time in all or most areas of our life. It is like the image of a scale—no one thing outweighing another. It assumes that we must devote equal portions of time each week to each item important in our life.

The problem is almost no one can really achieve that, especially entrepreneurs, professionals, and sales people. Living hectic lives, it is difficult to fit it all in. Women often tell me that this is an even bigger problem for them.

Not Balance…Harmony

So, what do we do about this? For me, it's about creating harmony.

Sometimes I work crazy long hours for several days in a row. Or, I may be on the road traveling for business for many days at a time. On the other hand, I am a husband and a father. I need and want to be there for my family as well as have time for myself. Long ago I figured out that daily balance is almost impossible. But, I found I could create harmony using a few core principles.

First, three simple words make a big difference to me: "Be here now." Wherever you are - be there. If you are at work, don't be thinking about the time you did not spend with the family the night before, or what you should be doing with your significant other right now. When you are at home, don't be thinking about the work you have to do at the office. Wherever you are, be there fully and completely.

Second, make sure to set aside time to do all the things that are truly important in your life. Yes, I know, everyone says that, but here's my twist: Be creative about how you manage this. For example, when I wrote my first book I didn't want to be holed up in my office writing in the evenings and not be available to my family. So, I decided a few evenings a month, I'd stay up with the family, put everyone to bed, and then go into my office and start writing at 11pm--and work almost all night on my manuscript. I'd catch a few hours of sleep and start my day a little later. I'm a late night person and this worked for me. It may not work for you.

However, my point is to be creative in finding ways you can accomplish what you need to do while still allowing yourself to spend time doing the other things in your life that bring you harmony. Nothing pleased me more when I showed one of my children the book when it was published and they said to me, "When did you write that?" They had no idea I was up late working several times a month. That was harmony to me!

Third, find ways to integrate various elements of your life. For many years, I have spent weeks at a time up at my lake home in the mountains. Each year, I spend a week or two remotely working from the lake house . Now, I bring up my staff and management team for short retreats/work days.  It is a great way to combine my work life and my leisure life.   Then, the last week or so, I take off completely and spend the time with the family. By integrating my two worlds, I create a sense of harmony.

Last, remember that when you are 70 years old, you are not going to wish you spent more time at the office. You don't need to be a workaholic to be successful.  Focus on creating harmony in your life. Be creative. Don't try to do the things I do. Find ideas that work for you and the life you live. Make the time and be innovative. Harmony is created where harmony is sought. OK, that's a bit "new age" sounding... but it is true.

Share with us. What do you think of this approach, how do you create harmony in your life?

Called the “father of modern networking” by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author. He is the Founder and Chairman of BNI (www.bni.com), the world’s largest business networking organization. His latest #1 bestseller, The 29% Solution can be viewed at www.29PercentSolution.com. Dr. Misner is also the Sr. Partner for the Referral Institute, an international referral training company (www.referralinstitute.com).

Tags: Balance, business, Busyness, December 2009 Edition, Dr. Ivan Misner, entrepreneur, goals, Priorities, work

32 Responses to “The Secret to Balance”

Laura Lara Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:39 am
Just before Thanksgiving, I received the results of my lab work. I cried when I got the results blaming my drive to run my business as the cause for high cholesterol levels.

I realized that I need to ‘harmonize’ my schedule with the task that needed to be done, starting with exercise.

Listing these items reduces the energy robbing ‘thinking’ about what needs to be done and being in the ‘now’ by seeing the true task that need to be done.

Harmony is a good description.

Thank you, as always, for you insight.
LuAnn Buechler Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:49 am
Ivan;
I learned this theory when I read Keith Ferrazi’s book, Never Eat Alone. I loved it then, and I love it even more now. I travel alot as a part of my business and people often ask me: “Are you traveling on business or pleasure?”. It is always both for me. I have been trying to come up with a word that describes that everything I do is “work” and everything I do is “fun”. Because I enjoy so much what I do it rarely seems like work.

As for family, they are still trying to understand this concept. They think I never work. Interesting huh!. To create the harmony you speak of…I work from home, and break when ever needed to attend to family matters, attend soccer games, etc. If that means I work until midnight while they are sleeping, so be it.

I also work with alot of non-profits and attend networking events regularly. I often include my teenage children in these activiites which allows them to learn the value of volunteerism and good networking skills. They have yet to realize the value of what I am sharing with them. I am confident however, it will be very valuable to them in their future.

Great article, thanks for your continued inspiration to all of us.

LuAnn Buechler, PMC Events & Travel
John Harris Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Absolutely!

There is an excellent excercise on harmony on the home page of http://www.success-motivation.com ! Do the excercise and they get someone to meet with you and help you set a plan to guide you into a more harmoniuos lifestyle regimen.

Thanks for such a good article Ivan.
Emile Paradis Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
The idea that a sales person or business owner can compartmentalize their lives is probably a futile pursuit. I enjoy my work so it is easy for me to integrate work and pleasure. That’s why networking and building great business relationships makes so much sense. A little pleasure with my business is my preference.

Thanks for a piece that made me reflect on a very positive aspect of having a business.
Kim Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I believe harmony is the way to go. So many times I feel so pulled in so many directions and therefore accomplishing nothing, especially harmony. I need to start doing and thinking about what it is I need or want to do and stop allowing others to put pressure on me to do what they think I should be doing.
Thank you for opening that door for me.
John Lillywhite Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Absolutely perfect, Ivan!
Lynette Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
The way we think is definately changing from a world of black and white to one of subtle to extreme variations. The use of the term harmony instead of balance is the perfect example. Balance is a black and white term, either something is in balance or it isn’t. Harmony allows for flexibility and ever changing experience. I think harmony equals growth. Great forward thinking article!
Bob Salvas Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Great article.

I remember when my wife and I first had kids. They would naturally occupy a lot of our time, energy and attention. When a day would come that we had a babysitter and we could go out together, we would go out and end up talking about missing the kids! It always struck me as funny how that would happen. The point being is that it sometimes takes real effort to be truly ‘in the moment’. But it is probably the number one key to the ‘harmony’ that you speak of.

For many years now, a coffee cup sits on my desk to remind to be in the moment. On the mug it says:
“No matter where you go, there you are.”
Tony Pinto Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Very insightful words, Ivan. Thanks for another great article.I think everyone can relate to your message.

One of my approaches to finding balance has been to leverage technology. The more things I can automate (online banking), or allow myself to keep tabs on from anywhere (using my iPhone), the more time I free up for the things I can’t automate or do remotely (be a good husband/father/friend).

So even though you have to invest “more” time in researching and/or learning how to use new technology, in the end you come out ahead (I think!).
Dan Pressler Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Great article! I’ve always had problems with trying to create ‘Balance’ in my life and only recently gave up and simply made every effort to accomplish what I could with the time I needed to “Git Ur Done!”

While ‘Balance’ in my life seemed elusive, “Harmony” is much more achievable for me…while reading your article, I realized that “Harmony” is what I’ve been creating in my life but didn’t have a term or name to call it. I do now!

Thank you for the excellent suggestion Ivan!

All the best,
Dan
Pamela Garcia Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Wow, someone finally tells the truth about work life balance. For us super-Mom executives, over-achievers this takes the heat off and puts the impossible back to the realm of possibility with “Harmony”. Be here now! When at home “be there” completely, when at work be there. Love the insight on when we are 70, will we look back and wish we spent more time at the office (of course not!)We will look back and wish we spent more time hugging and kissing our babies and speaking love and truth to them, for they are only little for a moment.
Caroline Atkins Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Thanks for this reading it is something that has been bothing me for a while and waking up thinking about what I have to do to get my business working it has not been doing to well lately I have just realised there is a lot of things that need to be followed up on all the time and I have not remembered to do these jobs like finances I know when I’m fully active work goes well. When I put my family first my business fails.

Kindest Regards
Caroline
Hank Hartstein Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Dr.Misner,
I am 58 and spent the large portion of my adult life chasing the “brass ring of success”. However, when I achieved my goals, I found the dollar didn’t bring happiness, fulfillment or harmony. It has been the last eight to ten years that I have concentrated more on my relationship with my family that I have found the greatest joy. And, to no surprise, I have found that my business success continues to be fruitful. Don’t ever underestimate the profound effect of harmony and peace on your overall life. Thanks for the great words of wisdom.
Regards, Hank Hartstein
Brett L Malofsky Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Ivan, this will not only create harmony in your own life. It will also help create harmony in others. Project this attitude. Live it. My wife used to get frustrated when she would come home from work and I would give her 5 minutes to complain about the male chauvinist boss. I know, a male lawyer who was a chauvinist – who would believe it? Now she jokes about how it helped her separate work from relaxation. She would do this venting while we were on a run, which made it difficult for both of us to enjoy the run. Now she can leave work at work and focus on something at home while she is there. Me, I have never had a challenge separating the different parts of my life.
One other aspect of this is knowing when to let go of something. Obviously I don’t mean one of those “core” areas of your life that you mentioned. I do, however, mean you need to look at each plate and see if it is too full. Do you need to leave one of the Boards on which you sit in order to be the assistant coach of your child’s sports team? It’s important to not think that you can do it all.
Stephanie Yun Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
My videography studio is in my home and I have two young children, so I often have those days when I feel like a bad mom for working when I “should” be playing with my kids. I’ve heard the phrase “Be in the Moment” before, but for some reason it really resonated with me that if I spend my working time feeling bad about not playing and my playing time worried that my work is suffering, I’m rarely “in the moment.” While it’s easy for the lines to blur when you work out of your home, I feel motivated to be doing what I’m doing in the moment and stop worrying about what I’m not doing! Thank you.

Stephanie Yun
Captured Memories Videography
Bend, Oregon BNI member
Karen Collins Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Ivan, I create Harmony in my life, by time tabling fun time every day.
Maybe it’s Skipping on the way home with the kids (who cares who’s watching!!) or making Sand castles… I do something everyday that makes me smile laughter and hugs are as essential as air for life(and truly being alive).
I also schedule in a Complementary Therapy treatment every week to manage my stress. I help people to overcome their issues, so as good practice I take care of me so that I am a better Mum, Wife and Hypnotherapist.
Joan Geraghty Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Balance for me is all about integration. A working mum, I have all the usual things to juggle and when children are very small, I think it just feels wrong to work full-time outside the home. As the kids become little people though, they get really interested in you and what you do and in my case, teaching adults and kids to type means I’ve been able to bring them in as students, and now give them turns to be ‘Mammy’s Little Helper’ at classes.

I do other work too that requires my 100% concentration and in order to do this I depend on my spouse to hold down the fort. As the saying goes, behind every great man is a great woman, and this definitely works both ways. If a mother hasn’t an understanding spouse and has to rely on problematic childcare arrangements, I think this will hugely influence the outcome of her career path.

So harmony for me is all about having the right support behind you if there’s more in your life than just work. Balance on the other hand is making all those other important people in your life feel they have a role to play in what you do and that they are needed by you.
Brian Dahemr, D.C. Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Ivan,
I love the 100% focus wherever your at. I have 3 young girls and a beautiful wife. The last thing I want is to regret not turning the TV or computer off while “spending time” with them. I really want to know their likes, dislikes, fears, what makes them laugh, their love languages etc. I also practice this passion and focus in my business by starting the day with positive words of affirmation, goals for the day, prayer, short team meatings etc. Harmony definitely has its peaks and valley’s and learning to adapt to those unexpected changes in life is something that I always strive to improve.
Thank you for the inspiring thoughts I
Joescher Chee Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 am
Joescher+Adhaus is an advertising agency in Malaysia.

Advertising agencies’ life always known as unbalanced.
But my agency fight hard for that, and strive to have a balanced life.
“Love Life, Love People, Love Advertising” is our agency philosophy.

Sometimes we do work overtime, but yet we felt life are still balanced, don’t have a word for it. “Harmony” this concept really make sense for me.
And I thought this is a profound insight on “Balanced Life”.

Using the right word is crucial, it can brings a new perspective in life, a paradigm shift.

“Harmony” is a great replacement for “Balance” in this manner.

Thanks for the inspiration!
linda@lantic.net Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:10 am
Dear sir, I want to commend you on this valuable piece of advice. For years I have been tought to balance my life, as you say, and the amount of guilt you build up if you are not able to do it that way, as you say, in equal parts of your life, is even more stressful. Women have to do even more to accommodate all in their lives.

Thank you, now I can relax and enjoy every moment of my work life too.

Regards
Stephen Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:02 am
Ivan
“Being Here Now” is something that I have tried to practise for the past 25 years or so. Living in the present moment is another way of saying the same thing. When we live 100% in the moment everything else falls into place, in work, at home or where-ever we are. Work and life are not so different. Harmony comes about when we are in touch with everything and everyone at home or at work.
Put another way “Work is Love Made Visible” as Kahlil Gibran said.
I love work, as I am sure you do.
Thanks
Quentin Kelley Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:31 pm
This is an excellent concept. I’ve often find myself trying to give an equal amount of time to all of my facets of life. This concept of “Being Here Now” set off a light bulb. I am guilty of “watering down” the experience of work or play by letting my mind wander into aspect of life. Being here now; will allow me to enjoy where I am at that the time without guilt. Making each moment count will make those who interact with me enjoy their experience with me more memorable also. Excellent article.
Sydney Metrick Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Why not have both? It may be possible to feel your life is in balance if you step back and look at your life from the distance. Certainly you don’t need to address every area each day or each week. The goal is to make sure that nothing that’s important to you slides through the cracks. And creative pairing is a great idea!
Sylvie Lafrance Says:
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:43 pm
This saturday is my business staff party. I am in the beauty biseness. So i invited me 2 part time employee, an ex employee who sends me good referral and 4 other BNI member from my chapter that are in me contact sphere. So everyone will be able to continue building strong relationship. (the basic rule of networking)
Christina Maddocks Says:
December 5th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Wonderful now I dont need to feel guilty about spending an entire day in bed with my catch up tv, if I have been working flat out for 10 days in a row. Still it’s really hard to allow yourself time off when u r just starting out with a new venture, especially if u enjoy what u r doing, it’s hard to find the border between leisure and work, will certainly keep on trying the achieve harmony!
Niri S Patel Says:
December 5th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
At last, someone who agrees! For years I have said that work-life balance is an unattainable ideal. When you do what you love, you can have a 7 day weekend. And by embracing the 3 core principles Dr Misner relates in his article you get to “live it large” and experience ever sooo much.
Niri
Robert Rubino Says:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
And having harmony leads to balance.

Balance does not necessarily mean giving the same amount of time to one or another activity, but also means the proper amount of energy for a given activity; energy in a given direction. There must be a balance, the balance of the head and the heart, the balance of power and wisdom, the balance of activity and repose. It is the balance which enables one to stand the strain of this journey and permits one to go forward, making the path easy. When one has harmony then there is balance.
Ted Moreno Says:
December 10th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Excellent article. As a hypnotherapist/entrepeneur,parent, husband and new home owner, harmony is really what I need to strive for. The pendulum of activity needs to swing from side to side, one week, hit projects hard, the next week, spend time with family.
Thank you for bringing a sensible approach to this challenge.
Lisa Renz Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Ivan, as always, great article!

The interesting thing about harmony is everyone wants it, anyone can achieve it, yet most settle to have it later rather than sooner. Thus, they live never truly achieving harmony.

Albert Einstein once said, “Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”

I think finding harmony means for each of us to be able to define “What does it mean for me to be a person of value?”
Going a step farther, ask yourself, “For whom do I want to be a person of value?”

When you can answer these questions, you can achieve harmony.

Thank you, Ivan , for being a person of value!
Ceci Bolan Says:
December 17th, 2009 at 5:42 am
GREAT article, Dr. Misner!

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who helps working moms find that ever-elusive “balance” between career and family life, your article has helped me realize the value of finding the HARMONY in what we choose to focus on at any given time.

Many times, people (especially working moms) choose either to focus on their career OR their family life — and then torture themselves over the guilt of neglecting the one they did NOT choose to focus on at that particular time.

This is why I absolutely love the concept of “being where you are”. Since it is physically impossible to be in more than one place at a time, we might as well ENJOY being where we choose to be at any given time.

THANKS for your insight and advice regarding this subject!

Warm regards,
Ceci Bolan
Michael MacGinty Says:
December 30th, 2009 at 10:38 am
If your work does not ‘help’ create harmony in your life, perhaps it is time to find a new job.
Dr Lubna Khawaja Says:
January 7th, 2010 at 6:44 am
Dr Misner
You have hit the nail on the head.
I have spent years looking for this elusive balance,trying to manage a busy Dental Practice and raising 3 children in different age brackets.
I have spent plenty of time feeling bad as to why I am not at the other end. If somebody had explained about giving 100% to present and Harmony which is not follow standard conventions,I would have saved a few years of feeling bad
Thank you,

32 Responses to “The Secret to Balance”

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