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Imagine this scenario: You’ve been a member of BNI for a few months, maybe even a few years, but the number of referrals you’re currently generating falls short of your expectations. What’s the secret to greater success?

Perhaps it’s time for a reality check. And a good look in the mirror is a great place to start.

Let me explain with the help of an old Japanese folktale called “The House of 1000 Mirrors.”

Many years ago, at the top of a hill stood a place known as The House of 1000 Mirrors. One day a cheerful, energetic little dog heard about the place and decided to visit. He climbed to the top of the hill, and when he found the house he nosed his way through the front door, ears lifted high and eyes wide with anticipation.

To his great surprise he found himself staring at 1000 cheerful, energetic little dogs with their tails all wagging in unison with his. He smiled a wonderful smile and 1000 smiles were returned.

As he turned and padded lightly down the hill he thought to himself, That was a great place – I’ll return often.

The following day, another dog, not as sanguine, learned about the house and decided to visit. He slowly climbed the hill with his head hung low, ears drooping, and eyes vacant. He nosed in the door and saw 1000 unfriendly dogs staring right back. He gnarled his teeth, and 1000 dogs gnarled right back at him.

As he padded heavily down the hill he thought to himself, That was a horrible place – I’ll never be back.

What We Give We Receive

Of course the moral of this folktale is that the demeanour of the people we meet is often a reflection of our own.  It stands to reason that what we give out comes straight back at us, sometimes 1000-fold.

When we start growling about our lack of referrals, it’s all too easy to point the finger at our fellow members. But before we start barking up the wrong tree, maybe we should take a moment to reflect:

• How do we express ourselves?


• How enthusiastic and energetic are we?


• What value do we bring to the table?


• What effort are we putting into quality referrals for others?

The BNI Givers Gain philosophy is a mirror that never lies. Take a good look . . . but be prepared to see yourself as others see you.

And once you start to polish up on what you give out, one day, when the referrals are making their rounds, you’ll experience a u-bend in what you get back.

Thomas Chalmers is an Executive Coach with a diverse portfolio of public and private sector clients across the UK, Europe, USA and Australia. He is a Coach U Graduate, member of the International Coach Federation and Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Bankers in Scotland. A former newspaper columnist and radio broadcaster, Thomas is a published children’s author, marathon runner and enjoys family life with his wife and their three sons.

He has been a member of BNI Enterprise Chapter for 6 years and has held every leadership position. He currently serves on the Chapter’s Membership Committee and embraces ‘Givers Gain’ as a life and business philosophy.

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