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Gender-proofing your 1-to-1s
How to keep them friendly but professional.
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The core of networking—and really the heart of referral marketing—is the 1-to-1 personal meetings, which BNI defines as “dance cards.” A recent Los Angeles Times article purported that your online relationships do not establish the intimacy and credibility that face-to-face meetings do. It is much more powerful to articulate key concerns and goals face to face, than it is to click “like” on someone’s profile.
Yet face-to-face engagements with the opposite sex can present some unique challenges.
Consider this: A married person and a single person have to measure the obvious potential dangers of networking with the opposite sex. Without careful consideration, you could easily find yourself in an awkward situation which might diminish both your credibility and integrity.
Here are four guidelines to keep you on a productive course when networking with the opposite sex.
- Keep your meeting times early. Plan to meet either for breakfast or lunch. Try to avoid after-hour connections or a quick glass of wine. Happy-hour meetings take on a more relaxed tone and can easily drag on longer than intended—and you might send mixed signals to your potential business partner.
- Keep your meetings brief. Set your initial meetings for no longer than an hour. No matter how well it is going, the initial discovery contact should not extend beyond your set time. Let your partner know you have a schedule to keep, which will help keep your business meeting focused on the details of each others’ goals. Allowing unlimited time may open the door for your conversation to drift into non-business related topics. Plus, you will not appear to be a busy, dynamic professional.
- Fine-tune your filter. A word of caution to singles: Do not let your chit-chat drift into describing the wild party you attended last week or how many people you are dating. In other words, do not become a distraction or temptation to your partner. And if you’re married, feel free to mention your wife and kids, but edit your complaints. Save the shoulder-crying for your buddies and do not open yourself up for consoling. Sharing personal details makes you human, but make sure to stick to sharing about hobbies and interests. This will help maintain an emotional boundary.
- Set the tone. Show how serious you take the other person by doing some background research on them and their company. Have some specific questions ready; this is standard protocol for anyone you network with but particularly important when networking with the opposite sex. Compliment the other person on their capabilities and achievements and avoid the “I love your dress” and “you look so young” type of remarks which moves you quickly off your business agenda. An associate of mine likes to print out the persons’ webpage or LinkedIn profile and use that as a reference to keep his meetings on track and lets the other person know you are a serious networker.
Networking with the opposite sex requires sensitivity and a clear awareness that even though you are both business professionals, being opposite genders poses some potential risks which you should avoid. I have heard stories from both sides on how devastating it can be when one person gives out mixed signals or takes the agenda in the wrong direction. Steer clear of the pitfalls and gain the other persons’ trust and quickly build up your reputation in your local networking community by following a few simple guidelines.
Lester Salvatierra is an experienced Finance Specialist with First U.S. Finance. He helps small to mid-size companies lease or finance a wide variety of equipment and special projects for upgrades and expansions. He is also a networking pro and BNI Area Director in Ventura County, CA. Lester@FirstUSFinance.com Ph: 805-217-9896
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7 Responses to “Gender-proofing your 1-to-1s”
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August 4th, 2011 at 1:04 am
Dear Sir, This note about how to direct 1 to 1′s with opposite sex is a must read for all members. I thank you for this guidance every week here and on podcast. I always look forward every week for more information from you. Have a great week sir. Thanks
Suhas Marathe
BNI Prosperity Pune
Maharashtra India
August 4th, 2011 at 3:27 am
Dear Lester
Some good points here. Dancecards are a powerful form of advertising – so I try and get “behind” the business and anticipate the personality driving it as a basis for getting the “best” out of the meeting.
For instance – your business is book keeper or accountant. You are in BNI to get clients. My questions will be – your background? how many people in your firm? their qualifications? ideal client size etc? what is your specialist area e.g. trust tax structures etc….
For instance – your business is a florist – where is yous business located? on internet? deliver where? part of a group? how did you become a florist? passion for ???? what is your specialty….
For instance – your business is a nail technician – tell me about your training? how did you start in this? your ideal client? do you work only in a shop? or also travel to [say] hospitals/nursing homes…
BNI is about businesses first…understand the passion and why folk join….it is generally not to ‘make friends only’…the power cells are a great way to leverage and also get coached in ‘how to get value from a dancecard’.
Regards,
August 5th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Great points William, that is really proactive planning and the best way to make your 1 on 1 a valuable meeting. Thank you.
August 5th, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Thank you Suhas! SuccessNet is a great source of ongoing information, please continue to follow. Take care.
August 5th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I’ve used the four guidelines you articulated for over 25 years and you are spot on!
August 5th, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Thank you Carl, I appreciate your feedback. I think they are simple ideas to keep your personal life tranquil while building your professional integrity.
September 3rd, 2011 at 6:00 am
Thank you so much Lester!As a Lady, i would like to say that i comprehend exactly what you have written & have often felt the need for what you put across in a very subtle manner as “Gender proofing your 1-to-1′s”.This would be a great topic to be taken as educational slot.We are doing it this week itself.Thank you for ingraining the friendly but professional attitude in BNI members world-wide.